Standing tall (er)

While visiting a natural food shop recently, a friend encouraged me to ask the herbalist for vertigo remedies. I was not  convinced that an herbal supplement would stop the spinning, but I asked or maybe she asked - I can't remember now. The man stepped around the counter while asking a few questions like "What is your blood type? Does one side seem more affected than the other side? and "Do you mind if I touch your neck?"

You might think that I would find it odd that he asked to touch my neck, but actually, at that moment, I knew this man could help me. You see, I'd visited my family phyisican, then my physical therapist, then my ENT and during my visits, I told each of them - "When I touch my neck, my head starts spinning. Do you think it is related?" They each said, "Probably not." and advised me to continue to deal with the problem as if it were my inner ear.

So when this stranger asked to touch my neck, I knew he would be the key. He went directly to my point of aggravation and my knees went limp as my brain began to spin and I reached out to grab someone/ anyone for support. "It's your C2" he said as he watched my response. "You need to see a chiropractor."

I did as instructed and as soon as my neck was popped for the first time the dizziness dissolved into nothing. In the weeks following, my chiropractor has determined that the vertigo was merely a symptom of a twisted aggravated spine and neck. Not only have the dizzy spells abated, but so have the chronic pains I've lived with in my shoulder and neck since I was 19 years old.

In life, I always try to find the lesson - but I'm struggling a bit with this one. Is it - Ask every person you see to help you b/c the answer isn't where you expect it. - or - Don't trust your doctor.- or -17 years of unnecessary pain will really make you appreciate not being in pain.

I think it might be. If one leg is shorter than the other and you have chronic pain - go to a chiropractor.

PS - Both my legs are the same length now.

A leaver like me

I'm having a moment of mental exhaustion in the middle of lots of goings on. I'm preparing for a new academic year which I won't be a part of. People want tons of things from me today and what I want is to start my new job (yes, I'm starting a new adventure in Gainesville). There isn't much turnover in jobs here in Gville especially at the University - people get a job and they stay and stay and stay. For a leaver like me I'm feeling a bit out of place in this all too familiar setting.

My co-workers congratulate me and wish me well and say things like "I don't know how you do it." I've been hearing this for as long as I can remember - every time I end one life and move on to the next one. The strange reality is that I don't know how not to do it. I don't know how to stay in one place or be satisfied by one challenge. I'm not good at it - I get antsy. I want to do more - find the next challenge - learn what's unknown to me.

So today I'm in the old life wrapping things up to give them away to someone new.

on dry land

Lately, as I try to ground myself I find my world spinning around me - literally. For nearly four weeks, I have been plagued by dizzy spells whenever sitting up or lying down, looking up or looking down. If my head stays upright, no problems - if I want to do things like read, cook, hang out the laundry, look at the stars, pull weeds in the garden, I begin swaying as if standing in sand being pulled gently back and forth by ocean waves.

My Ear Nose & Throat Dr. tells me I have Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. Benign because it doesn't do permanent damage of any sort - Paroxysmal because it attacks suddenly, Positional because it all depends on how my head is situated at any moment and Vertigo because my brain thinks I'm spinning so my eyes try to right myself by doing some spinning of their own. BPPV can be caused by any number of things, mine was most likely caused by fluid on my ears due to allergies. The fluid took about 10 days to remove with a daily dose of loratadine to calm my allergies and mucinex to get the fluid to drain. After that my ENT was able to do a procedure with me similar to the Epley maneuver to reposition the canaliths or 'crystals' in my inner ear.  I liked it because it doesn't involve medication and I imagined her work being similar to trying to get a ball in the winning slot of a pinball machine - James calls it witchcraft and is equally intrigued.

In the days immediately following the maneuver, I had to sleep sitting up and I wasn't able to bend over or turn my head in any extreme direction. I think it worked, however, my brain still expects me to be dizzy. When I turn or look up, I still have the feeling of being in motion even though I'm no longer spinning. Kind of like when you step onto dry land after having been on a boat for a few hours or days - your body may continue to feel as if it is swaying long after the fact.

So, I'm left to wonder, after a month at sea, when will my brain realize that I've reached dry land?

3/4 mile walk each way

So, we used to borrow wireless from our neighbors until they blocked us their connection. Not wanting to commit to a bundle or a monthly plan of any sort, we gave up the internet at home. I didn't mind. I have access all day long at work (during the academic year), and, truthfully, I don't want to look at the mind-numbing box that inhabits my desk any longer than I have to.

Recently, I'm on summer break - which is lovely and much needed - so, I now have to take a walk in order to read e-mails, check facebook, or blog (not that I've done that much in the past year). If I walk to the library, it takes 15 minutes each way - approx. 3/4 of a mile. If the library is closed and I have to walk to my office (my last resort unless after hours), it is 20 minutes - approx. 1 mile each way.

Today, I needed to use e-mail on two different occasions, so I had to decide if I would make the walk twice or wait until tomorrow. I almost decided to wait til tomorrow out of laziness and then I thought, "but I'd really like to take a walk." So, in stark contrast to most internet use, I'm actually getting more physical activity on-line than I would without this access.

picking blueberries

Early yesterday morning, I went by myself to Meg's U-pick blueberry patch. I arrived before anyone else, grabbed a little bucket and headed into the berries. They were everywhere, all sizes of dark, dark blue berries. I tasted various plants and began my work. The light glistened, the berries were delicious, the heat was not yet oppressive, the birds chittered, and I was overwhelmingly, deliriously happy. So satisfied that I didn't want to leave and I actually picked slowly to make it last as long as possible. At one point, I stopped my work completely and just stood in the middle of the patch looking up and all around - it was just too perfect not to pay attention. Just a simple task, but I felt so priveleged to have access and to be able to take part.

an object in motion

While traveling, James is happiest when in motion. Somehow, I feel as if I just discovered this fact or maybe I'm just remembering it.

He always requires the window seat on any form of transporation - he wants me to see, too - though I historically don't utilize the window in the way that he does (I look for a minute and then read or nap or watch the noisy tv). So I choose to sit on the aisle and look over him or sit in a different row. From his perch, he  truly watches and observes and takes note of changes in the land or sea or air. When flying any route, he'll look for landmarks that he might recognize or expect to see and is very excited if the pilot shares our location. He had a dispute with a group of stewardesses over which islands we were passing - they said the Bahamas - he said the Virgin Islands - they checked with the pilot - James was right. He will only turn away if we are immersed in clouds or darkness. After any leg of our journey, he can give a detailed description of everything he noticed along the way - which is everything.

When in a new place, he never wants to enjoy it from the seated position - he is up and on his way out. For this reason, while in Ecuador, we hiked every single day we had the opportunity. In towns, up volcanoes, down to creeks, through fields, along ridges. We walked for hours on end - only stopping for lunch (which was always pleasantly slow) or to catch our breath (sometimes pretty often b/c of the altitude). 

I love looking and I love walking and I love exploring, but I also LOVE sitting and daydreaming and relaxing.  So, on the days when walking wasn't on my agenda, James would head out on his own in search of adventure and I would plant myself in a comfy spot with a nice view, a breeze and some fresh papaya or pineapple juice - and I couldn't have been happier.

We really do make a great team.

Misery and Juice

So, I'm experimenting with food again; this time in the form of a cleanse. I've never liked the idea of cleanse, because I always associate it with weeks of misery and juice. And who needs that?

However, what I do love is a food experiment - and what I love even more that is a new book with ideas and secrets. My reading buddy, Albert, told me about this fascinating book, Clean, which is about cleansing your body of toxins from our chemical-filled and polluted world - without giving up food. (brilliant!)

Two liquid meals a day plus a full lunch. I still wasn't convinced - I mean, seriously, liquid meals? Albert was adamant that the smoothies and cold soups were satisfying and the lunches with vegetables, fruits, gluten-free grains and fish or chicken were unbelieveable. And he did look healthier and happier....

After we parted ways, I kept thinking about my increased allergy symptoms that are worse this year than ever and how I've been less energetic and have been making some poor food choices because I've been too tired or too busy to make a plan (and about the Szechuan Panda buffet that James has been convincing me to visit weekly for the past couple of months). Plus, caffeine and alcohol take up regular space in my digestive system, perhaps it was time to give my liver some relief....

I ordered the book and received it last Tuesday, read it that night and was completely convinced that I needed to give this a shot. The strategy was there, so were the recipes, I just needed to do it. (the meals not the supplements)

Wednesday and Thursday I followed (sort of) the elimination diet which gets you ready for the cleanse. Essentially modifying your food choices and starting to decrease caffeine, sugar, and foods known for allergens like wheat, strawberries and chocolate.

Friday I started the cleanse. James went to the river and took all of the food temptations with him while I concentrated on becoming my new/ old me. Each day - breakfast is a smoothie, lunch is something wonderful and fresh, dinner is a cold soup. It's actually pretty easy once you get the menu organized and I'm generally haven't been hungry.

It's Day 5 and I'm still smiling, I feel alert, amazingly relaxed and satisfied, and am looking forward to what happens over the next 9 days.

performance anxiety

Artist, Josh Cajinarobleto, has been performing daily in the gallery. His work engages sound and simple repitition. In the performance pictured here, he wears a blindfold and spins for 15 minutes on top of a stage that he constructed. Becoming dizzy, he sometimes trips and loses the edge. He has admitted to falling in the past. His performances have caused me such anxiety that I have dreams (nightmares really) about them.  

In one dream, I see him tumbling forward, down each level of the stage,

crashing into the pedestal holding ceramic work nearby.

I told Josh that his work disturbs me and that he has become a recurring interruption in my

otherwise sound sleep.

He responded with a huge smile and "THANKS! That's great!!"

spring - sort of

Pollen is everywhere. I'm sneezing non-stop. Leaves are fresh and green. Sunshine is sun-shiney. Sky is blue. So where are the azalea blooms?

James keeps wandering around the yard - befuddled. Last year, our azaleas bloomed magnificently all through March and April, each taking its turn. He missed it because he was in Miami. The year before that we were in New Orleans.

This year, our dogwoods sort of bloomed and one azalea in the front yard, plus maybe two in the backyard. Each of the plants that bloomed were exactly the same color - magenta. We have, I don't know, 30-40 azaleas. Generally, we have countless shades of red and pink as well as a few white ones. 

So what gives?

Superbowl Sunday

We don't watch football. Sometimes, James will watch a game if Miami is involved, but I don't even bother with fake enthusiasm. However, this week, in anticipation of Superbowl Sunday - we planned a party for two which included potato chips, pretzels, various dips with sour cream and cheese, etc. I really like the idea of a Superbowl party and thought I'd actually be interested in seeing it if we had access to food we never buy or eat.

Sunday rolled around and at 5pm, James started pulling our snacks out of the fridge and placing them on the counter. Surprised, I asked when the game started. He said "6:30 - this is the pre-game snacking." I'm easily swayed, so I jumped right in and we happily sat and ate our chips and pretzels and dip, chatting about the world. Me, asking questions like "So, who is playing tonight?" He, commenting on how fun it was to eat our snacks.

By 6:00, we'd eaten all we could handle and at 6:30 we sat down to watch the game. At 6:35, we changed the channel. By 6:40, I convinced him to watch the documentary on Rwanda that I ordered from Netflix. After that, we ate pumpkin bisque soup for dinner and I wandered off to read my book on the Scarlet Macaws of Belize in bed. I really like Superbowl Sunday.

The Cove

Last night, James and I watched "The Cove." We put it off for two years. We knew about it - thought we should watch it, but couldn't bring ourselves to watch a documentary about the death of dolphins.

While living in the Bahamas, we were witness to the beaching and death of two beaked whales. These were not mass beachings and the whales weren't being fished, but there is strong evidence to support the fact that the sonar used for military testing in the tongue of the ocean - just a mile off shore - frightened and confused the whales, causing them to swim toward land. Officials representing our employer, along with those from the Bahamian government, and the US and British Navy, denied this possibility and stated that the mother whale beached herself because of difficulties post-labor.

None of these entities acknowledged the second whale James, another friend, and I found beached a mile north the following evening, though the whale was covered in military-issued blankets. We were informed that we couldn't speak with the media. We were also adamantly told that the whale was not actually a whale, but instead, a dolphin. At the time, I didn't know why this mattered. After watching "The Cove," I realize this is because there are international laws and organizations that protect whales, but there are no such protections for dolphins.

Two weeks after the beaked whales were beached on the island, several large pods of dolphins came to shore in Miami. News reports stated there was no known cause, but that the dolphins were migrating and seemed to have lost their way.

We left the island shortly after these beachings and we began to write letters and to talk to people. We received little response if any - often a simple form letter thanking us for our concern, but reminding us that we were not experts. We were left feeling helpless to make a difference.

The oceans are home to many, many living beings and, whether we believe it or not, these creatures are impacted by the way we live our lives.  What we eat, what we throw away, where we go on vacation, how we train our military - all contribute to the maintenance and/or decline of ocean species and their environment.

Watch "The Cove." Not because it is easy to see - not because it will make you feel better about yourself. Watch it because it is important to learn what this film will teach you.

To do or not to do

I almost decided to go back to school last week. Almost.

Needing some intellectual stimulation, I spent time looking up UF courses. I picked one - Sub-saharan Africa, Healthcare and the Arts. Upper level undergraduate course. I looked through the associated textbooks - they sounded inspiring, exciting - just what I needed.  I then e-mailed the instructor and shared my interest with her - she happily replied "Yes, there is space! Join us!" I started my registration paperwork and, last Wednesday, I walked into a classroom.

Upon entering, I first aimed for the back, but then thought, "No, I'll sit right up front." I pulled the chair from under the desk and was surprised to find a single thumb tack placed exactly in the center of the seat - ready for its next victim. I was shocked. "Isn't this college? Surely that wasn't intentionally placed in this chair to harm someone...." I removed said thumb tack and settled in.

A few minutes later, class began, the syllabus was distributed and intros started. This student was an undergrad in pre-med, that one in the arts, that one minoring in African studies.... Feeling over-qualified & slightly out of place after my brief intro, I flipped through the syllabus, looking at the projects and assignments, I was surprised to find that I already knew about most of the topics being discussed and I also knew most of the guest professors.

I suddenly realized - I'm past all of this. Not because I don't love learning and I can't benefit from the interactions, but at this point in my life and career, my time is better spent doing rather than listening to others who do.

Perhaps I've just made a new rule for myself as a life-long seeker of knowledge -
no classroom required.

greeting cards

My significant other rarely takes interest in holiday cards. For this reason, I've given up asking him to sign the card or write a note. Imagine my surprise this year, when he spied the stack of sealed, stamped cards and said "Oh, I didn't get to sign the cards." I still didn't think much of it, until later that day, he asked "So, do you mind if I take the cards to the woods so I can decorate them?" Of course I was hesitant (the woods and holiday greetings seems like a recipe for disaster), but I figured he'd forget them. He didn't. He took the entire stack of cards to the river and returned with them a few days later - the envelopes are a sight. Images of trees, rivers, critters, chimney smoke, and even the faces of the card's recipient. He decorated every single card he took with him.  I was disappointed that I had already mailed some of the cards before he discovered the stack.

I mailed his decorated envelopes and showed him that I had written a few more. That morning he sat happily at the table adding adornment to the remaining cards - giggling on occasion as he drew this or that. Who knew who much joy something so simple could bring?

Life's simple pleasures.

Sideshow continues.....

U. Florida’s University Gallery Featured Historical Circus Banners

one way shipping

In our little campus galleries, we don't often pay shippers to move art. Generally, we have staff rent a truck to move it or we hire art students. We have a teeny, tiny budget for the year and most of that money goes to receptions and print materials. Today, I requested a shipping quote for 20 pieces of art - 10 paintings and 10 sculptures - to come from NYC to FLA in April. The quote I received was $4662.00 - one way.

So, today we are discussing the possibility of canceling the show and I'm considering my new career as an art shipper.

A Heather in Wolf's Clothing

After an evening masquerading as a wolf, I decided I prefer to be a Heather.

Wolves are scary. Heathers, generally, are not.

"I thought you was a city girl!"

"I didn't know you was no country girl!" my friend, the art school janitor, yelled across the hall to me this morning. She wasn't heckling me; it was a statement of admiration and understanding (loud though it may have been)- and when she said it, I felt good.

She and I bumped into each other at Alachua County Farm and Feed about a month ago on a Saturday morning. She was buying collard starts, I was buying lettuce starts. She didn't recognize me in my pony tail and gardening clothes and apologized to me the next week when she saw me at the gallery, explaining that she was so surprised to see me there that she forgot my name. Since then, whenever I see her, she asks me about my garden and I ask about hers. We discuss what is working and what isn't, which bugs are the worst and how planting under the full moon was the best thing we could have done for our fall crop.

Today her smile and stories transformed my day and my attitude. Today I am proud to be a country girl.

Let me see your tongue

Each week for the past four, my physical therapist has given me this directive. "Let me see your tongue" So, I abide - not sticking it out and saying 'aaaahhh' for better tonsil viewing - she really just wants to see my actual tongue. Apparently, because she is a doctor of Chinese Medicine, she can determine how my entire body is functioning just by that one act. My tongue has been purple/ pink and not too shiny - it should be pinky/red & shiny. The purple tint indicates blockages and pain in the body - when it is more pale than shiny - that tells you the body is weakened or possibly anemic. She also looks at the coating and then the regions of  my tongue to get more info - she can tell if I have a cold or flu or other infection, if I've been having trouble sleeping, if I'm constipated, if I've been depressed. After I stick out my tongue, she asks me questions to confirm what she has learned.

My therapy has been for a strained rotator cuff, but we talk often about how an injured shoulder can only heal well if the body is in optimal condition to help it. So, she is using acupuncture, ultrasound, cold laser, and massage therapy to put my whole being back in order. Once a week, for an hour and a half, I feel pampered and  cared for by a doctor who has my best interest in mind. She doesn't rush me to heal, and, instead, encourages me to be patient and enjoy the healing process, because pain and suffering create awareness, and with healing is growth.

the circus is leaving town

For the past 6 weeks, I've been surrounded by the bearded lady, lobster boy, rubber boy, the tallest man, the smallest woman, the queen of tattoo, half rat/ half rabbit, Gaucho, the world's smallest horse - all ALIVE!!!! At least they were at one time, maybe not anymore. All are gigantic banner paintings of real people & animals who spent their lives on display in the sideshows that used to travel with circuses such as Ringling Bros, Barnum & Bailey and Hall & Christ.

Each Friday at noon, we've had performances to celebrate the excitement and daring of the circus. Aerial dancers, mod dancers, jazz ensembles, and even a sword swallower entertained us.

The show and performances brought people who have never been to the gallery - including circus animal trainers and retired performers. All with memories and a great love of the big top.

Bittersweet to say goodbye to the banners and their stories. Until next time the circus comes to town.....

momentum

A previous student, Salisu, emailed me this week. He asked about my life and I brought him up to speed.  His question to me was "Why are you are working at the University again? I thought you returned to Florida to follow your dream." "My dream?" I wondered to myself. What was my dream?
Isn't it- wasn't it - hasn't it always been - to explore, to learn, to teach, to eat, to share, to laugh, to love, to be loved, to play, to give, to take, to hope, to win, to fail, to always always keep keeping on????
What I know about me and what I guess I failed to explain clearly to my dear friend is that my dream is always to dream bigger, to do more - differently, each time than what I've done before.
This, unfortunately, isn't measurable and doesn't fit into a five year plan.
My dream is to move forward, to know more people, to have more experiences, to make a small difference in the world every single day.
I figure, if I'm going to dream - why not dream big?